


maybe (you'll think of me)

by bulletthestars



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Crossdressing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 20:39:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/983353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletthestars/pseuds/bulletthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Sebastian can think of is Nico.</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe (you'll think of me)

Sebastian thinks of Nico when he jerks off. He thinks of Nico fingering himself, pushing one finger in, biting his lips, getting used to the sensation before pushing another in, and another. Filling himself up with his fingers, imagining that they're someone's cock. Eyes closed, cheeks flushed, lips parted as he moans, pleasuring himself.

He thinks of Nico wearing a skirt with lacy panties underneath and when he bends over Sebastian'd be able see them, the lace over his arse and god it'd turn him on so much that it'd hurts because all he'd be able to think of is pushing the panties aside and fucking Nico. He'd finger him and get him ready, moaning and eager for him to take him against the wall, or against a mirror. Especially a mirror, so Nico can see just how pretty he looks in his skirt. He thinks of Nico with his fists clenched against the glass, moaning as he thrusts into him. Nico lifting his skirt to reveal his hard cock straining against his panties, leaking pre-cum, wetting the fabric. Nico lowering his lashes, looking at the ground, blushing furiously when Sebastian teases him about the wet stain on his panties.

Sometimes, Sebastian thinks of Nico's shapely thighs. He wonders how it'd feel like to be in between them, fingers pressed into soft skin as he sucks him off. He'd wrap his lips around the cockhead and he'd flick his tongue over the leaking slit, and Nico'd moan underneath him. He'd moan _for_ him, and Sebastian wants that so fucking much, to have Nico making such exquisite sounds all because of him. He thinks of clutching at Nico's hips, thrusting in between Nico's thighs, feeling Nico tremble as he struggles to keep his thighs together for Sebastian.

It's not just that, to be honest. Sebastian thinks of kissing Nico, of fisting his hands in Nico's hair, pushing his tongue past Nico's lips to taste him, to savour him. There're days when Sebastian doesn't quite trust himself when he's with Nico, because all he can think of is pressing his lips against his when they're doing some event for the German media. He finds himself staring at Nico's lips, at Nico's parted thighs and he wonders how they'd look like bare and spread open just for him.

But that isn't all, really. Sure, Sebastian wants Nico physically but sometimes, when he looks at how Lewis and Nico fall into conversation so easily, he's surprised by the strange prickly feeling that overwhelms him. It's jealousy and he knows it, he hates it when he happens to be there when Jenson teases Nico and god, the way Nico responds to it is just... Sebastian doesn't quite know how to describe it, there isn't even any heat in their words, just playful banter and it hurts. Yet he doesn't quite know why it does. Is it from him not being in a position to have something like this? Jenson teases him too, from time to time, but Sebastian doesn't want his attention. He wants Nico's.

It isn't as if he's got nothing to talk about with Nico, but it isn't as if they're _friends_. Nico doesn't fall into step with him before the driver's parade or whatever, if anything, he'd rather walk alone than join Sebastian. Or Lewis or Jenson or someone else would join him, and Sebastian'd be behind, wondering if there was anything he could've done to change things. Sometimes he'd have Kimi for company, and talking to Kimi helps take his mind off things, but it doesn't stop the pang of jealousy from coming when he turns back and accidentally catches sight of Nico laughing and smiling with someone else.

Sebastian knows that he wants far too much because he wants something he'll never be able to have. When Nico smiles at him it's as if time stands still and he's got everything in the world. He tells himself that this is enough. They are (sort of) friends, they're civil to one another off track and on and he'll get by just fine with his fantasies of Nico inside his head. But it all changes after one press conference. Sebastian is usually able to keep his mouth shut, but this time he gives voice to his thoughts. 'You're beautiful,' he murmurs, looking at Nico, who's sitting beside him, and the last thing he expects is for Nico to turn to face him in acknowledgement of his words.

One thing leads to another, and Sebastian finds himself in bed with Nico, something he'd never thought possible, even in his wildest dreams. He doesn't remember how and when he had started wanting Nico, but all he knows is that once he had fallen down the hole, he had never been able to get out.

But it's just a one off thing, nothing more. Sebastian knows it, and Nico acts like nothing had ever happened. Sebastian wants more, now that he has tasted the sweetness of the forbidden fruit, but at the same time he knows that the opportunity will never come ever again. He doesn't know what it was for Nico, perhaps he'd never find out, but he remembers how it had been, every moment, every sensation. Nico clawing his marks into Sebastian's skin, Nico throwing his head back in pleasure, moaning and Nico coming undone beneath him, crying out. As ridiculous as it had seemed on hindsight, right there and then, when Sebastian had looked down at Nico, who had returned his look with a fierce sort of intensity in his eyes, cheeks heated and skin slick with sweat, Sebastian had felt that if he were to die the next day, he would've died a happy man.

_Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?_

Yet Sebastian knows that what he had with Nico hadn't been love and if he'd have to describe it, he'd be hard pressed to call it anything other than a one night stand. So Sebastian continues looking at Nico from afar, wandering in the repetition and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to find the answer.

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from ['maybe' by the ink spots](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0wPJlREDQ0).


End file.
